My Postpartum Journey: What Now?!

After a short blogging break, I think I'm ready to return to documenting my progress and experiences. When I look at my pregnancy as a whole, my initial thought is "WOW! What a journey I had!" In a nutshell (I can't say "nutshell" without thinking of Austin Powers):

• The first 14-ish weeks were SO TOUGH! So much nausea ALL DAY LONG. Life (let's not even go there with running) was harder to deal with on a daily basis.
  

  

  First trimester fun with my boy.

• Somehow, I managed to run 40-42 miles per week with my long runs averaging 12-14 miles. I did this through 20 weeks.
  

  

  That time I won a 5k at 18 weeks pregnant. LOL.

• Week 20, my nightmare happened (when I was run over while on a training run and fractured three metatarsals in my left foot). I was non weight bearing for 5 weeks and partial weight bearing for 2 weeks. I was then able to begin a walking program and cycling as tolerated but wasn't allowed to run until 3 months post accident. I  worked my rear off to rehab and get strong until I could attempt running again.
  

  

  My life for several weeks. Dark times.

• Week 33, I could finally run again...sort of. It was a painful transition full of many tears. Tears of joy, tears of pain, tears of frustration, and tears of thankfulness. Eventually, as my ankle strengthened and my pain subsided. I was able to work up to running 4 miles (no walking) at a 10:30 pace. It was beyond any expectation I had for myself that late in my pregnancy.
  

  

  That glorious run that gave me hope.

• Week 38 + 3 days, I ran my last mile on the indoor track at The Y. I delivered Ruthie 3 days later. After I ran my last pregnant mile, I was pretty confident I didn't want to run anymore until my baby was born. I'm sure God was telling me to rest and soak in my last days of what might be my last pregnancy. Sigh.
  

  

  My last belly shot.

 

I am beyond thankful for the miles I was allowed to do (walking or running) during this pregnancy. It wasn't the superstar running pregnancy I had envisioned when I got pregnant, but I believe this story was more powerful and had more impact than the one I had in my mind. I can only hope that my story inspired at least one person. If it did, mission accomplished!

 

*********

 

So, what now?

 

I'm just listening to my body and doing activities as tolerated. I've been amazed at how my body responded to this delivery. I've had no pain, just occasional pelvic soreness after extended activity. I'm starting to get my energy back and Ruthie is allowing me to get a decent amount of sleep. Don't get me wrong...I'm not ready to conquer the world. I just know that I feel a lot better the second time around than I did with James.

 

• Postpartum week 1: Complete rest. I did nothing except what I had to do to take care of Ruthie. There were a few days that I did a little more housework and errand running than I probably should have, but, I did not do intentional exercise.
  

  

  Selfie fun with two of my loves.

• Postpartum week 2: I did my first walk last Monday (Ruthie was 6 days old). I took the dogs for a walk on their regular 1.5 mile route. Have I mentioned that I hate walking our dogs?! UGH. They are wild. Anyway...I did daily walks, gradually increasing my distance and pace. I improved from walking 2 stroller miles at 16:15 pace to 4 stroller miles at 14:34 pace.
  

  

  It's like she knows what to do for a selfie. This was the only pic I took!

• I know some people may want to scold me, but I had the opportunity on Sunday evening to go on a non stroller walk. I decided that, since walking felt so good, I might try some walk/run intervals. Of course, I listened to my body to guide me on pace or tell me if I should just stick to walking. I tolerated things well. I did a total of 3.15 miles. I started with a half mile walking warm up, then began quarter mile intervals which I did for the remainder of the run. During my running intervals, I just stayed at a pace that felt comfortable and easy. These sections started around approx. 10 min/mile, and, as my body warmed up, improved to 9 min/mile (this was just based on me looking at the pace on my Garmin occasionally). My walking intervals were anywhere from 13:30 to 15:30 min/mile. When I finished, I felt the same as I do when I finish my stroller walks. I am not planning to do intervals everyday, but will slowly get back into running as I feel it is safe for me to do so. All of you that have had babies know that there are things going on in our female system that I have to keep an eye on as I return to activity.
  

  

  I love this boy. When daddy isn't dominating his life, this is the kind of fun we have.

 

**********

 

I'm looking forward to reporting my return to running and (hopefully) my return to training for a marathon! I'm sure I will have a lot of struggles to share in the next few months. Love you all and can't wait to get back on the road with you again!

Ruthie's Birth Story

Ruthie Mae Davis

Born: 8/9/16, 6:32 p.m.

6 lbs. 14 oz., 20 inches

 

**********

 

If you've been keeping up with my last 2-3 blog posts, you know that I'd been getting a lot of false labor. I was becoming very frustrated because it would not only make me physically sore, but it was breaking me down mentally. I never experienced that with James (only one episode at 36 weeks), so it was awful constantly thinking you might have your baby at any moment. The work weeks were even worse. I was completely freaked out by the thought of a speedy labor that I was mentally unstable all week long.

I didn't know this would be my last pregnant belly shot.

When I went to my OB appointment on Tuesday morning, I shared all of this with my doctor. I was at least hoping he would tell me I had progressed in some form or fashion. After he checked me, I was sad to hear that I was exactly the same...3cm, BUT I was 100% effaced. Pretty much nothing had happened in the past week. He commented, again, about how low the baby was sitting. He said that baby wanted out! The discussion then lead to something I had never considered: inducing labor. The thought stressed me out because of my desire to go au naturel. Doc educated me on the process and said he could likely schedule it for the next day or two. I had no idea what to think or say, but I told him I'd discuss the option with Jimmy.

 

After talking to the hubs, we decided to go ahead and have the doctor schedule the induction (it ended up being scheduled for Thursday at 9 a.m.). Deep down, I wasn't 100% sold on going about my labor and delivery this way, but, at the same time, I think it slightly decreased the stress I was feeling about when it all might go down. Despite scheduling the induction, I went into fierce prayer mode. I wanted to go into labor naturally...there was no other method that my heart desired. I just prayed that I would have this baby before Thursday at 9 a.m.

Big brother, James, meets little sister, Ruthie!

Since my OB appointment that morning, my body was feeling weird. I was very crampy but assumed it was because of my vaginal check. I only had one patient that day, so I picked up James from the sitter for some splash pad fun (and lunch with daddy). I was happy to put James down for a nap shortly after we got home because I still wasn't feeling well.

Our last adventure as a family of three.

**********

 

Around 3:30 that afternoon, I realized my cramping seemed to be getting worse. At the time, they didn't seem like contractions to me, but I decided to keep and eye on the clock just in case. During that half hour, the cramps worsened every 7-10 minutes, but I still didn't think it was labor. I texted Jimmy around 4 o' clock (he was at an appointment) asking him if he would be home soon because I wasn't feeling well. 

Hello, clue #1.
 

I will never forget the time on the clock...4:09. I called Jimmy a short moment later, at 4:09 p.m., freaking out because "I think my water just broke." It exploded out of me as if I'd just popped a water balloon. We immediately discussed what to do because it was never in our plan for this to happen when I was home alone with James...without my rock of a husband to help me out. I went to the bathroom to confirm that my water broke...not sure why because it was obvious that it had! I started to put on a pad or stuff some TP into my panties but the fluid would not stop flowing out of me. There was no point in changing my clothes. I grabbed a towel and put it between my legs. I stuffed one end in the back of my pants and held the other end up front with my hands. I brought an overnight bag for James to the car (my hospital bag was already packed up) and woke my sweet boy up from his nap. I have no idea what he was thinking but it didn't matter. I had to get to Dublin ASAP!!

 

James had no shoes or socks on, and I only had a pair of socks on my feet. I told James we had to hurry and get in the car to go see daddy. He was so sweet and made no fuss about it. We got into the car, turned on the hazard lights, and blasted down the road.

Cousins.

I was so scared. I called everyone I could think to call to help calm me down. I thought about how I was just at the doctor THAT MORNING discussing my status and my options. I spent the entire day discussing with my friends their experiences with being induced. I made arrangements with work to be off beginning Thursday. I did all of these things with Thursday in mind and no thought that I'd go into labor the SAME DAY the discussion even began. Right before I went into labor, I talked to all of my friends and family about how I was having the baby in a couple of days. Then, in the snap of a finger, I was having my baby! What the crap?!

 

Fortunately, even though it was the beginning of rush hour, I didn't have to deal with as much traffic as I had anticipated. I made the trip from Gahanna to Dublin, with James in the car, as safely as I could have imagined. The intensity of the contractions subsided while I was driving and long enough for me to get to the triage room at the hospital.

My GIRL.

Our arrival to the hospital was probably the funniest scene if put in a movie. I still had the towel stuffed in my pants, I had to carry James AND his overnight back since he didn't have any shoes or socks on. I walked as fast as I could across the parking lot until I got to the transport chairs. I was just praying I wasn't leaking fluids all over the floor. I put James in the chair, and we rushed up to the second floor. I was getting crazy looks from all around. I kept telling everyone "My water broke...I'm so sorry I look stupid right now." While all of this was going down, Jimmy and his mom were on their way to the hospital. Jimmy, of course, stayed with me while his mom took James back to our house.

 

I'm just guessing that it was around 5 p.m. at this time. I was in triage being hooked up to the monitors. My cramping turned into obvious contractions. I had to focus and breathe through them when they occurred. I decided I wouldn't look at the clock to time them out because I honestly didn't want to anticipate each one's beginning. They confirmed with me that I wanted an unmedicated labor, but stated they had to hook me up to IV fluids because I felt dehydrated and just couldn't make myself drink between contractoins. I just remember sweating like crazy...I guess I was working much harder than I felt. When the nurse did my vaginal check, I was still 3-4 cm and completely effaced.

 

At this point, we were just waiting for them to set up a labor and delivery room so that I could transport there. I'm not sure what time this happened...I just know that the contractions kept getting more painful and seemed to be getting closer and closer together. I think the worst part of intentionally doing this unmedicated is not knowing how long you will be contracting before the pushing phase. By the time I made it to labor and delivery, I was hating my life. When I had a contraction, I just put my head down, focused on my breathing, and repeated "The Lord is my strength." Ha! I think I had less than a handful of contractions in labor and delivery when I decided I needed to try a different position. With James, I did mostly side lying, so I decided to try it again...that's when crap hit the fan.

My newest love.

When I went into that position, the nurse wanted to check my cervix. It would be my only other check since I arrived to the hospital. As she was getting on her gloves to check, I had my next contraction. They kept telling me to let them know if I felt rectal pressure. This time, I felt that pressure. She took one look at my vag and started ripping off my mesh undies and pad they had given me. She also called someone to say that the doc needed to come immediately. I'm assuming she saw the head peaking out. After our teamwork in getting off my undies, she said to whomever was on the phone that I was fully dilated and a plus one. HELLO BABY!

 

They realized that the doctor was not going to make it on time, so they called in the midwife. All of a sudden, there were about 4 ladies in the room (I think 3 nurses and the midwife). They were trying to prevent me from pushing until they had the table set up for the baby to exit. It was the next contraction, the one after my strip tease contraction, that I had my demonic moment. I mean, how does a woman in labor prevent herself from pushing when a baby's head is starting to come out and her body is telling her to push?! I'm not really sure what I said while I was a demon, but I do remember the screaming and groaning. I think I apologized when the contraction was over with! After that moment, the contractions weren't as intense and the staff was finally ready to allow me to push...well, as ready as my body was allowing them to be.

 

The pushing phase seemed to go by fast. I can recall at least 2 contractions, maybe 3. I'm guessing I didn't push more than 5 minutes. Even though it was short, I was getting annoyed with pushing. They were cheering me on through the process, making me think the baby was about to be out. I think I asked after each push if it was out yet. The pushing was not painful at all this time around. It just made me tired. They asked me if I wanted to look and I said something along the lines of "NO! Why in the world would I want to do that?!" Seriously. Eww. Finally, I was one push away from meeting Baby Boo Deux...I just had to get the shoulders out.

Brand new baby!

When the baby came out, I couldn't really tell what was going on because I was tired. I kept asking what the sex was. They wanted Jimmy to announce it, but he couldn't tell if it was a swollen vagina or balls with a hidden penis! He guessed it was a vagina and was correct. I just delivered our precious baby girl!!!

 

I know I haven't mentioned my husband too much in this process but that's because it all went by so fast. When I was going through contractions, he would always make sure I didn't need anything. At one point, I was so hot that I couldn't take it anymore, and Jimmy got me a cold towel for my forehead.  He did offer to tell me some stories to distract me, but I wanted to keep repeating "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine" (James' current favorite song). There really wasn't anything else he could do because it went by so fast!

 

**********

Spitting image of James when he was born.

 I got to have some skin on skin action with my girl for a while so that daddy could cut the cord and I could deliver the placenta. It was the sweetest moment. I could not stop crying happy tears. I couldn't believe we had a girl. I wasn't sure how to feel about it. I was just happy that she was here.

 

After the standard 2 hour post delivery wait in labor and delivery, it was time to go to our room. I was shocked at how great I felt. I could walk with a normal gait pattern unlike when I had James. I was able to push Ruthie to our room with a huge smile on my face. No wheelchair needed!

 

As the night progressed, Ruthie and I were passing all of our tests. In the morning, the OB said he was ok with me being discharged that day as long as things went well with Ruthie's 24 hour testing. Just like her mommy, Ruthie passed all of her tests and we were discharged around 9 p.m. It was nice to be able to be at home that night.

Selfie fun with my loves.

**********

 

Despite the drama leading up to the delivery, I am SO thankful that this was my experience. I was not 100% settled with being induced because I didn't know how my body would respond to the process. I truly believe God intervened on my behalf so that I could be at peace with my labor process. He just added the water breaking at home drama to keep me on my toes for not trusting him the past two weeks! LOL.

My wonderful hubby and his daughter.

So, that's my story. I'm looking forward to the healing process, learning to be a mom of two, and getting back to running, of course! Thanks to everyone who had me in mind and sent positive vibes the past few weeks!! I'll fill you guys in on how awesome James is as a big brother and how we are adjusting as parents of two.

Say whaaat?!

 

I Haven't Had Coffee in Three Days

I've only known for two weeks, and what I know isn't much:

 

1. I've taken three positive pregnancy tests.
2. I've been nauseous for 7 weeks.
3. I've been extremely fatigued for 2 weeks or so.
4. I have an appointment on January 12th to make sure all is well and when Baby Boo Deux was conceived.
5. Finally, I haven't been able to drink coffee the past three days (my biggest nightmare when I was pregnant with James).

 

 

What I don't know:

1. When I conceived. I thought I had my period on November 8th and that's what the doctor is going by as far as scheduling me for my first appointment. Based on my horrible nausea and when it began, I suspect I got pregnant in October and that my November "period" was something else. (side note: In the beginning stages of nausea, I seriously thought it was my GERD symptoms because I was convinced I wasn't pregnant based on my November "period.")

 

 

My days have been very rough lately. The nausea has controlled me. I was not this bad with James. I'm sick all day long with some relief in the early afternoon. Then it all comes back in the late afternoon and evening. Fun stuff. I'm having the worst time sleeping so that has affected me a lot. Fortunately, work has been extra slow which has allowed me to run during the day when I feel a lot better. With my running, I'm just listening to my body. That's why I've decided not to fully commit to any runs because I will likely back out at the last minute if I feel like crap.

 

At this time, Jimmy and I are planning to do like we did with James and NOT find out the sex of the baby. Therefore, it will be referred to as "Baby Boo Deux." We are very excited since I was at my wit's end with trying to get pregnant. I also feel this huge weight lifted off my shoulders because I have an answer for the way I have been feeling.

 

I understand we are still in the unsafe zone of potential miscarriage but I want to put this out there so you can all be praying for us through this time. I am anxiously awaiting January 12th so that we can hear a heart beat! I'm also anxiously awaiting to hear our conception date. Wouldn't it be awesome if I ran a marathon pregnant?! Even if that little booger was only 3+ weeks old.

Changing the Way I Think Lately

My friends and family are getting an earful. Nine months of trying to get pregnant and NOTHING. I talk it out with everyone because it keeps my mind off of it for at least a couple of days at a time. I was struggling a lot today because tomorrow is my "period day." I was freaking out about if I was going to start. If I do, I'm sad because I'm not pregnant. If I don't, I'm freaking out because I may start the next day or the next. It's a vicious mental cycle.

 

I have friends and family who reassure me that my freaking out is justified...that they understand why I'm feeling this way. I just feel lately that I have to post-pone everything I want to do until I know I'm pregnant. I can't plan vacations, races, etc. until I know the baby plan. It's AWFUL possessing the planning personality trait.

 

One of the things that is guaranteed to make me happy and keep my mind positive is running/working out. Post marathon training, I told myself I was going to significantly decrease my mileage because I thought it would help me get pregnant. I had my doubts about that being a factor but my doc put it in my head earlier in the year that it MIGHT have an effect.

 

I was discussing the whole training less thing with another friend and determined it might be rubbish. Yes, everyone is different, but she brought up a point I never thought of before: if my cycles have been regular (and they have since March or April), is running really affecting me getting pregnant? Isn't getting pregnant about our cycle?! The thought blew my mind. I've been struggling, wondering if my training has been the reason for me not getting pregnant, and I'm beginning to think it's not. That is such a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.

 

No, my friends and I aren't medical doctors...but we are educated women. With this epiphany, I will likely research this and go about my life as normal until I get word that there's a baby. I can't continue with this thought process of not planning because I "MIGHT" be pregnant. It's driving me nuts.

 

To my runner friends: How has running affected your cycle or affected you getting pregnant?

Flaws

Great song and sort of how I'm feeling today. In a world full of stupid musicians, it's good to have talented ones who write lyrics that mean something. (I still like my booty songs...don't get it twisted)

 

**********

 

"Flaws"

When all of your flaws and all of my flaws are laid out one by one
A wonderful part of the mess that we made
We pick ourselves undone

All of your flaws and all of my flaws, they lie there hand in hand
Ones we’ve inherited, ones that we learn
They pass from man to man

There’s a hole in my soul
I can’t fill it, I can’t fill it
There’s a hole in my soul
Can you fill it? Can you fill it?

You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve
And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground
Dig them up - let’s finish what we started
Dig them up - so nothing’s left unturned

All of your flaws and all of my flaws, when they have been exhumed
We’ll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we’d be doomed

There’s a hole in my soul
I can’t fill it, I can’t fill it
There’s a hole in my soul
Can you fill it? Can you fill it?

You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve
And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground
Dig them up - let’s finish what we started
Dig them up - so nothing’s left unturned

Oooooh
Oooooh

When all of your flaws and all of my flaws are counted
When all of your flaws and all of my flaws are counted

You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve
And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground
Dig them up - let’s finish what we started
Dig them up - so nothing’s left unturned

Oooooh
Oooooh

All of your flaws and all of my flaws are laid out one by one
Look at the wonderful mess that we made
We pick ourselves undone

 

**********

 

Click HERE for link to hear song.

EGD au naturel

So...I have some things to fill you in on. My health was sort of a roller coaster this week. That barfing I mentioned in my Emerald City Recap was, unknowingly at the time, related to the crap I dealt with this week. After eating lunch on Monday, I felt like I had food stuck in my throat that just wouldn't work it's way down. I kept drinking water and it didn't help. Soon after, I was getting a little bit of chest pain but nothing crazy. After work, on the commute home, I got this intense sharp, stabbing pain in my chest behind my sternum. It was the most pain I've felt since child birth. It lasted several seconds and went away. I got this pain periodically through the night and noticed it was worse when I ate food. I was a tad bit scared but was confident it wasn't cardiac related which is why I did nothing about it.

The next morning, it was still there. I decided to call one of the nurses I work with to get her opinion. We discussed the situation and decided I should call my PCP. Fortunately, I was able to get in that morning. After discussion, the doc confirmed my suspicion of an esophageal issue. They did an EKG (the doctor admitted it was to cover his a$$...seriously, he said that to me) and wrote a referral for an EGD. I was basically stressed out to the max until Ohio Gastro called to schedule the test. I was just worried about having to take off work, rearrange my schedule...and will I be able to run?! They finally called me in the late afternoon and I was scheduled for a Friday afternoon appointment. Until then, I was told I could only eat soft foods and liquids (whatevs!) and, of course, no food/drink a certain amount of time before my procedure.

 

I was able to do my speed work and my easy 7 miler on Wednesday and Thursday. I planned to do my long run on Friday morning but knew I would have to rearrange since my diet had changed and I wasn't getting the calories I would normally eat. My instructions were to stop eating after midnight on Thursday and to only have clear liquids the following day. I also was supposed to stop taking anything into my body 2 hours before the test. Surprisingly, this was tolerable...mostly because I slept as much as I could that morning.

 

The hubs dropped me off at 2pm and I was supposed to get prepped, get the anesthesia, and, finally, have the test performed. They brought me back promptly and began taking my health history. When we started discussing meds, I told them I wasn't on birth control because I was trying to get pregnant. I assured them that I had my period starting August 10th and that my cycle has been 31-35 days all year long. They felt that was too close to potential ovulation and wanted me to take a pregnancy test. Sounds pretty basic, right? NOT FOR LISA.

 

I am known to get stage fright when it comes to peeing in a cup. Every drug test, every pregnancy test, every OBGYN appointment when I was pregnant....I cannot pee on the spot. To make matters worse, I hadn't had any fluids in my body for 3-4 hours and peed before leaving my house. I tried and failed for my first go round. They hooked me up to IV fluids since I wasn't allowed to drink anything. I'm not sure how many ounces are in each pouch, but they ended up giving me two of them! I tried to pee after the first and failed again. Same story for the second. They said I could not follow through with the procedure if I didn't pee. They had to confirm that I wasn't pregnant. UGH!!! I was so frustrated. I couldn't help but cry. Any normal person can piss in a cup...why couldn't I do it after 2 bags of fluid?!

 

The doc came in to talk to me about it and tell me my options. He said I could reschedule for next week. I told him that was not an option for me. I just couldn't rearrange my schedule for this. I wanted answers today! My other option was to do the test without anesthesia. WHAT THE WHAT?! ARE YOU F'ING SERIOUS?! PEOPLE DO THAT FOR AN EGD?! I was blown away. He told me that it isn't common but is very doable.

 

The only thing I could think to say was "I gave birth without any meds at all. How does it compare?" The doc laughed at me and said "Let's suit up." He said if I can give birth au naturel, I can do this. There was no part of me that was scared. I just thought of this pic that my BFF sent me recently:

 

Basically, they put something in your mouth to keep it wide open (think of any procedure you've had done at the dentist...your mouth is so wide that you can hardly swallow and you just drool everywhere).

That's not me. ;)

Then they put you on your left side with a drool towel under your face. He explained that I would initially feel like I was gagging then he would ask me to swallow to help get the tube down. OMG...I cannot describe how uncomfortable it was. It did not hurt but who likes gagging?! It was the absolute worst sensation ever. He said it would take 4-5 minutes.

 

I'm not going to lie...after it was inserted, I was so scared. I know I was crying only because I felt the tears rolling out of my eyes and down my cheek. I couldn't speak, I could barely breath. I just continuously gagged and vomited. I could feel liquid coming out of my mouth and felt I had no control. I prayed so hard that it would be over with. I'm getting teary-eyed telling the story. IT WAS SO SCARY. I knew I was in good hands, but that didn't help me in that moment.

 

I had the sweetest nurses and doctors trying to comfort me through it. The doc gave me a "break" halfway through which really meant that he didn't move the tube up or down for a few seconds so that I could try to control my breathing. They kept instructing me to breath through my nose. It felt impossible. How does one breath through their nose when their mouth is wide open?! Anyway, just imagine gagging, vomiting, and struggling to breath for 5 minutes while a tube is down your throat.

 

I was so relieved when it was over. I told them I was sorry for crying and gagging! They thought I was crazy for apologizing and said they were shocked at how well I tolerated it! You guys, I do not wish this upon you. If you ever have an EGD, I urge you to take the drugs if you can! Again, it didn't hurt... it was just so scary.

 

As for now, my throat is sore and that's about it. I did shart when I got home! My results were normal. He biopsied my esophagus just in case (results in a week). He said he suspects it's just GERD. The diagnosis was frustrating because I've dealt with heartburn for many years. I just haven't had it since I was pregnant. Heartburn was never one of my symptoms. I just feel like I have food stuck in my throat 24/7...like it's not going into my stomach. The doc told me to start taking 150mg of Zantac daily. We'll see if that helps. Hopefully the sensation goes away because it's just not comfortable. Fortunately, the sharp chest pains have subsided.

 

Thank you for all of the prayers and kind messages! You know who you are!!

 

Guest Blogger- Theresa

I met Theresa July 4th of this year. I had that 10k in Hilliard with Jackie and was going for a PR. I just remember being inside the YMCA and noticing this chick staring us down. At the starting line, I noticed she was beside us. I was getting ready to say "HI" when she said to me "Are you under 40?!" At first, I thought she was asking if my goal time was under 40 minutes...I started cracking up in my head thinking about what it would feel like to run that fast! What she was really asking is if I was under 40 years old because she wanted to win her age group!! Ha! We laughed a bit and decided the three of us would help each other out. You can read about our adventure in the link posted above.

Anyway, I have seriously enjoyed this girl ever since I met her. Prior to us meeting, she ran solo. All it took was three group runs for her to ditch the ear buds and join in on the adventure! I'm so blessed to have met Theresa. She exudes such positivity. I can't wait for you guys to read her story! Below is straight from the head of Theresa...no edits. ENJOY!!!

**********

 

When I look at my life today, it is near picture perfect.  Wonderful husband, 4 beautiful children, quaint home in Muirfield Village, good job with cool places to travel, avid runner.  Those are surface things.  Important, but those aren’t ME.  They are “my resume” if you will.  The Me today is emotionally healthy (for the most part; at least in comparison to past), physically healthy and spiritually healthy.  This story is not about all the turmoil in my life, heck… we all have a past.  This story is about running.  What it was like in the beginning, the journey and what it is like now.  Running is the focus in many ways.  It changed my life.  

I have always been a perfectionist and an over achiever; maybe it was being an only child with very educated well-off parents who wanted the best for their child.  In college I had to triple major (hard majors too).  In grad school I wanted to get two masters at the same time.  Why?  Because people thought I couldn’t do it.  “Impossible”.  From an early age I was destined to prove people wrong.  Out of grad school I had to take that high stress, high pay job (because I was the FIRST to ever get THAT job at THAT age), get married and settle down to have kids.  I HAD ARRIVED.  Um, no I hadn’t.  I was lost.  I was insecure.  I lived my life trying to prove myself to others, compare to others, want more more MORE and never be satisfied.  I was soul sick.  I was alone in a room full of people.    

This void turned toxic; I tried to fill the void with anything from work to alcohol to then anorexia and bulimia.  The only time from ages 25-37 that I can think of that I did not completely abuse my body was during pregnancy; I would go from 120 pounds to 227 and back again; pregnancy was a reprieve from my eating disorders and using alcohol to numb my mind and obsession with control.

Eventually, this void became apparent and at 35, my world shattered.  I got a divorce with a 5yo and a 3yo; the youngest still in a diaper.  I was already void, but I still had my STATUS.  My “hey look at ME status”.  I had plenty of money, I had an awesome career!  3 weeks after my divorce was final, I lost my job.  My income was gone.  POOF.  No alimony, no child support, no job, no soul, no husband and no babies 50% of the time.  Did this make me change?  Hahahaha…. NO.  From bad to WORSE.  I never ate; I think I ate pickles once a week.  I would then feel guilty and not deserving of pickles (PICKLES!) and then make myself throw them up.  

FIFTEEN YEARS of my life was a struggle with anorexia, bulimia and drinking too much.  I decided enough was enough.  I had nothing left to lose…. I’m going to start working out again.  I went to the gym, got on the treadmill and ran.  I couldn’t run 1/10th of a mile at a 10 minute mile pace.  So much for THAT!  It pissed me off, so I signed up for the Air Force Marathon in 2013.  I started eating a little bit more, purged a little less, COMPLETELY stopped drinking to train and trained 3 days a week; one day 3 miles, another 6 miles and then a long run on the weekend.  I think my AirForce Time was 4:25 or something (remember, I get lost and also forget PR times, so don’t hold me to that).  The next moth I ran the Columbus… I don’t remember the time, but it was the mid 4’s.  I was hooked.  I didn’t have fast times because at mile 17 or so, I’d poop out; I remember feeling guilty about ingesting a Goo because it had 100 calories.  Gatorade during stops?  NO WAY.  Useless calories.  I was getting better with my issues, but it was a slow process.

After those marathons in the fall of 2013, everything changed.  I wish I could tell you what changed… WHY I changed.  Was it because I met the man who loved me for me and wanted to marry me and make me a mom of FOUR?  Was it because I got a great job again?  Was it because I started going to my Catholic Church frequently and prayed HARD for guidance and to let Him show me the proper path in life?  I don’t know.  Again, this is about RUNNING.  Since 2013 I have done 43 races; anything from a 5k to full marathons.  Is it an obsession?  Mmmmm, maybe.  To me, it is living LIFE.  It is getting up in the morning full of ENERGY, running my heart out, thanking God the whole time for giving me my body back after over a decade of abuse.  After my run, my head is clear.  See, running gives me what no human can.  It gives me gratitude, humility, sense of power, clarity, serenity, peace, hurt, pain…. EVERY EMOTION that I either ran FROM or TOWARD.  It teaches me BALANCE and to REST.  I can go to work with a clear head and do my job and do it well.  After work I can be a good mom to 4 awesome kids and a good wife to a husband that I adore.  And then…. I get up and do it all over again.  It taught me to be flexible; it rains sometimes or snows:  HAVE A BACKUP PLAN.  I travel frequently for work:  HAVE A PLAN TO RUN WHEN TRAVELING.  Kids get sick:  RUN WHEN THEY ARE WITH ANOTHER PARENT AND HEALTH IS STABLE.  

How did I improve?  FIRST THINGS FIRST:  My mind is different.  Running is 90 percent mental you know…. If your mind isn’t right, your run won’t be either.  Now, I don’t know if running improves your MIND or if your MIND improves your RUNNING.  That’s something that just blew my mind while typing.  Is it the chicken or the egg???   

How I improved running:

• I treat running like a Board Meeting or Important Kid Activity
• There is no excuse not to run unless you or a loved one is sick.  Period.  Not enough sleep?  Get your life balanced.  You need to sleep.  Learn to ask for HELP (hard for us runner types, isn’t it???? We LOVE to DO IT ALL and then hold all the cards for our employer or family with LOOK AT ALL THAT I DO!!!!).  
• Always have another race on the books.  I race twice a month on average.  Not all marathons obviously, but I love the structure of training for a race.  It holds me accountable.
• DO NOT BE JEALOUS.  I was HORRIBLE at this.  I was jealous of EVERYONE for ANYTHING.  I’m not anymore.  If someone does well, I talk to them afterwards and ask them how they train and I am HAPPY FOR THEM.  This goes back to humility and gratitude.  Be grateful you crossed the darn FINISH LINE!  Some people are in wheel-chairs for crying out loud.
• I Can’t doesn’t exist in my vocabulary… EVER.  I can’t YET does.  I can’t run a 3:30 marathon….. YET.  I plan to on 11/1, but as of now, I BQ’d at the Pig last May at a 3:42 which is my PR.  I can’t run a sub 20 5k YET.  I plan to though on 9/5.  Two years ago I was THRILLED with a sub 30.
• Be competitive, but with YOU.  One of my favorite sayings is this:  “I WILL BEAT HER.  I will train harder.  I will eat cleaner.  I know her weaknesses.  I know her strengths.  I’ve lost to her before, but not this time.  She is going DOWN.  I have the advantage because I know my opponent well.  MY OPPONENT IS THE OLD ME.”

I am not gifted.  I have no running talent.  What I have is willpower; that same willpower that I used to NOT eat, to be a WORKAHOLIC and lose my family…. That same willpower is there.  God just redirected that will to running.  Running made me balance LIFE.  LIFE.  Isn’t that what running is about anyway?  LIVING LIFE.  

I Have Insecurities, Too.

Peoples' opinions shouldn't matter. Period. To an insecure person, they do. If I go by that way of thinking, I AM INSECURE.

 

I am allowing one, two, or three people that I hardly know to get under my skin. Why? The only reason I am allowing it to happen is because I'm afraid of what they may or may not be saying about me to people that don't know me. Why do I care about the opinions of people who don't know me or care about me? The truth is, I shouldn't care...but I do. There are more days that I don't think about these people but it seems like, when things die down and there is no drama, one of these GEMS decides to do something stupid.

 

I may regret putting this out there, but it helps me to blog it out and it keeps me honest. I know that I'm not the only one to feel this way at some point. As I've said in a previous post, it blows my mind that women who are years older than me act like such children. How is that fulfilling? Dealing with selfish, rude people is annoying. 

 

I need to keep in mind that I am not defined by these other insecure women. I am defined by MY LORD AND SAVIOR. If someone doesn't want to like me based on someone else's opinion, so be it. That's life. I just keep holding onto the hope that people's true colors will be revealed if/when appropriate.

 

I want to continue my journey to become a better Lisa. I will never be perfect but I want to strive to be a better person, more loving towards my "enemies," and to embrace the relationships that build me up rather than tear me down.

 

I don't even want to edit this post so hopefully I made sense. I don't even feel like adding pics. Feel free to share your insecurities if it feels freeing to you. I will listen.

Lies Runners Tell To Get You To Run

RUNNERS LIE.

 

They will say anything to get you to run with them. Here are a few that might sound familiar: 

 

1. The more you get up early to run, the easier it gets! SIKE! I am not a morning person. NOT. AT. ALL. Prior to group runs, I would always run when I got home from work. It could be 90 degrees outside and I'd still go running. When I found out there were weirdos that woke up at 4 a.m. to run, I was like "WHAT?!" I have been running early for 9 months now. I am not used to it.

   

   So early. Ugh.

   
   
2. You'll warm up after a couple of miles! (this referring to teens and single digit temps). I suppose, if you have the right gear, you can warm up fairly easily...sometimes even get toasty on those long runs. Even with proper gear, I've had some runs where I never warm up. It's just not in the cards. There have been moments when I thought my face was going to fall off even with my balaclava donned!

   

   A frosty February run!

   
   
3. You'll feel better after it's done! Whatever! Sometimes you just know when a workout is going to suck. There are times when running becomes a stress reliever, an escape from reality. There are also times when your body is screaming "NO!" because of fatigue, you end up running anyway, and it says "Didn't I try to tell you not to run?"
4. Running is free and everyone can do it! Sure, the action of running is free. Technically, I can just step outside and start going. Let's be real, though. All runners have gear...$80-$120 later you have a good pair of shoes, $100+ later you have a GPS watch or a smart phone with app to help keep up with splits (yes, I know you can just use a stop watch, which I did for my first 18 years of running, but most runners training for something want to know their splits). Then there's proper clothing, hydration, fuel, registration fees, etc. Running's not free, people!
   

   

   Essential for running. Not free.

   
   
5. The course is flat and fast! I bet you could all list races or training courses that were supposed to be flat and ended up having "gently rolling hills" or, straight up, big a$$ hills. I will never forget my DC Half experience. LIES. ALL LIES! I love hills, but I also like to know that they are there! If I'm mentally prepared, I will conquer them like a champ.
6. If you run in the morning, you'll have more energy and won't be tired. More lies. I have enough energy to get my post run donut then I'm done. DONE...;laksdnoehgasdgjkn....Sorry, just dozed off while typing this. Guess my head hit the keyboard.

My 5th love.

What are some lies you've been told?

Follow up to "Words"

I just wanted to clarify some things about yesterday's post.

 

• It wasn't about an attack on me, personally. Although, these same "adults" have treated me this way in the past. I'm not the only one that has been part of their games. I wanted to clarify this because I received a lot of encouraging words yesterday (which were appreciated, of course) but I wanted y'all to know this was not me seeking attention in any way.
• I just want others to know they aren't alone in the way they feel. We are human. It is normal for humans to feel this way. The way you handle these situations is what matters. I don't always handle things in the way that I should. I can get hot-headed, angry, lash out, etc.
• The animosity I felt yesterday, and many other days towards these people, is NOT RIGHT. No matter what these people do or say to me or my friends, I should not react in any way except love.
• Loving mean people is hard...but guess what?! We are all mean at some point to someone. Don't you want to be loved even when you are a jerk? Yes, when people make the same mistakes OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, it makes loving them so much harder...but that's what we are called to do. LOVE.
• I also feel that, even though I'm called to love all people, that doesn't mean I have to be BFFs with everyone. It's just not possible. There are definitely people that you have to keep at an arm's length (or in this case, as far away as possible). Some people just aren't healthy for your life.
• I try to see the positive aspects of all people but there are simply some people that just don't allow that to happen. I've given these people the benefit of the doubt several times but now I'm done. DONE. I will be kind, I will show love, but I will not pursue (in fact, I might avoid if possible!).
  

Words

When my mind is bothered by something or someone(s), it helps to write down words that come to mind. I don't always know what words will be written. I just write down what I feel lead to write at the time. After writing down the words, I'll look up the exact definitions so that I can better relate it to my situation. These are the words I wrote down today:

 

 

• Friendship- the relationship of being friends (a person you like, enjoy being with; a person who helps and supports someone)
• Loyalty- a feeling of strong support for someone or something
• Gossip- information about the behavior and personal lives of other people; talking about the private details of other people's lives
• Malice- desire to cause harm to another person
• Slander- to make a false spoken statement that causes people to have a bad opinion of someone
• Two-faced- not honest or sincere; saying different things to different people in order to get their approval instead of speaking and behaving honestly
• Insecurity-not confident about yourself or your ability to do things well
• Animosity- a strong feeling of dislike

 

I'm not saying these are all feelings that I have or words that describe me. They are just words that came to my mind.

 

**********

 



It starts off well...friendship, loyalty. Then I have 6 horrible words that make you forget about the first two. I am 32 years old and I feel like I'm living in a world of babies. Immature adults (older than me!) that act like they have no clue how to be adults. It blows my mind the way people act sometimes. Not only do people act like fools, but they pretend it's ok and that it's normal.

 

And while we're on the topic of things that blow my mind, it also blows my mind that:

1. "Adults" talk poop about other adults; said adults find out and try to confront them about it in order to have an adult conversation, then the said "adults" deny the action that is known as being true.....was that hard to follow?
2. People can be so insecure that they have to hurt other people, particularly behind their backs, to make themselves feel better. What sense does it make to hurt others to make yourself feel BETTER?!
3. Finally, it blows my mind that I can allow such people to cause animosity in my own heart. Did y'all hear that? I'm allowing these "adults" to cause animosity in my own, Christian, heart.

**********

 

My sincere prayer today is that I can shake these people and rid my heart of this animosity. Despite the way their actions make me feel, I pray I can ignore those actions and not allow it to make me feel this way. I pray I can stay loyal to those who are most precious to me...those who I call friends. I pray that my passion for protecting these friends doesn't cause this animosity that I feel at times.

 

Phew. That was hard.





What Are You Thinking?!

I was reminded of a time, almost three years ago, when I ran my second marathon. I was somewhere past the 20 mile mark of the Columbus Marathon...very injured, very embarrassed, and, apparently, verbally upset. I thought I said, in my own little brain, "I'm never doing this $h!t again!" What I found out one short second later is that I said it out loud. The man beside me said "Shut up! Yes you will!!"

Then, I wondered, what do my friends think about while they are racing?

 

In addition to the above, I often think:

 

Why am I doing this to myself?  Stay relaxed. Don't give up...there are people that want you to fail....and people who want you to succeed. I hope my pictures look good this time.

 

That's just naming a few. So I asked some of my runner friends, "What do you think about while racing?" The responses were entertaining to say the least! I decided to put them into department store categories for your reading enjoyment.

 

**********

 

Food/Drink:

• when to take your gel.
• "How many drinks can I slam when I'm done before I have to parent again?!"
• "Can't wait to drink a lemonade and eat a ton of food."
• "I wanted Starbucks so bad when I passed the store right on the race route. I basically cursed the race directors that put a Starbucks on the route."

 

Clothing:

• checking out all of the cute outfits...and the ugly ones!

 

Health and Beauty:

 

• "Please don't poop."
• "I hope I don't puke."
• "I wonder if I look like *$* when I run?"
• "Where can I poop mid-run if necessary"
• "Do I really look as bad as my cap city pic when I run?"
• "I hope the girls don't smell me."
• "I thought about all the ways to try to hold it in the last few miles!!"

 

Entertainment:

• laughing at funny signs
• needing high fives, etc. from spectators
• "I like to just sing to my music."
• praying to God
• talking about people
• "I tell people off in my mind because I always seem to have a better conversation/argument when I can have 10 do-overs."
• "I think about people that are motivating to me when the race gets tough."
• I repeat this "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
• "I find myself always thinking about who my 'person' is going to be when I am racing. My 'person' is someone that I use as my visual to go after in the race. If I pass that person, I pick a new person."
  

  
  

Sports:

• "Do not walk."
• "Just get to the finish."
• "That *b* better not pass me!"
• "*$*, I hope I don't get tripped"
• what my next race will be
• how I need to push through my comfortable zone
• "I get really pissed passing people who obviously put better finish times to be in higher corrals. Seeing people already walking in mile one *f's* with my mind"
•  targeting people to pass and try to pass them until I'm done.
• cursing the hills

School Supplies:

• mentally calculating my finish based on current average pace
• frustration about the course being too long or too short

 

Other:

• "I don't think much."
• "Why am I doing this?"
• "Will this ever end?!"
• "Why did I pay for this *$*?"
• thoughts of gratitude that I am physically able to endure 13.1
• Life...work through things that have been bothering me
• the goal I set and not stopping
• "I analyze peoples' gait and often decide that they are an injury waiting to happen."
   

 **********

Do you have any thoughts that aren't on this list?!