Carmel Week 15: My First "Race" In Over 4 Months

 My First "Race" In Over 4 Months

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No longer a baby.

This week's workouts were a little different due to a half marathon on Sunday (I'll detail that later). I had all easy miles with the occasional strides thrown in there. The focus of the race was to practice marathon paced miles, but still get a total of 20 miles for the day. Let's venture into how it all went down... 

• 3/5: 6.67 miles, 9:00/mile; Chest/Back, 45 minutes. A rough start to my morning resulted in a nice sunshine run. I intended to go to a group run at 5 am, but ended up staying home to help the hubs get the kids ready. They were out the door just before 7 am, so I set off after that. I just needed an hour of easy running, so I set off to explore potential routes. I stumbled upon a perfect 5 mile loop from my house. The sunshine during this run was the only good thing about my Monday (drama with the gas company).
  

  

  
  

• 3/6: 6.11 miles, 8:46/mile; PNF/Shoulder/Stability, 45 minutes. Today's normal speed day was turned into speed/hill day. I was to run 45 minutes easy (so I made a 5 mile route), followed by 5x30 sec uphill surges and 5x30 sec downhill surges. Sarah and I used the hill at the end of the road I used to live on. For the uphill surges, we jogged down for recovery. When we got to the downhill surges, we just walked up for recovery. Good times.
  

  

  Yoga with my girl.

• 3/7: 7.88 miles, 8:53/mile. I skipped my usual Wednesday morning group run because James has croup! Ugh. He was up coughing and sounded awful. Momma can't sleep when her babies are like that. I hit up the treadmill after work for an easy 70 minutes. 
• 3/8: 4.6 cycling miles, 20 minutes; Yoga/Abs, 40 minutes. I did a hodge podge of stuff for my cross training day. I started with a 30 minute yoga video that I ended up loving. I never know what I'm getting into when I choose these random YouTube videos. I followed that up with an easy 20 minute cycle to work out the hard work from the yoga practice. Finally, I ended with some ab work. Feeling strong today!
  

  

  
  

• 3/9: 6.44 miles, 8:53/mile. My brain was a little fuzzy this morning. Obviously I ran, but I later texted Sarah to ask if it really happened. I seriously couldn't recall actually making it happen. LOL. I was so sore from yoga the day before. I couldn't believe how tired my legs were! I spent the rest of the day unpacking, moving odds and ends from the old house, and going up and down stairs. I was whooped by the end of the day. 
• 3/10: 3.1 miles, 8:43/mile. Not gonna lie, it's nice having only 3 miles to run on a Saturday morning! Britt and I are both running a half tomorrow and needed some shakeout miles. We met for the NA Starbucks 5k loop. Short and sweet. Tomorrow's goal: practice marathon pace...can't wait!!! (minus the waking up early and cold part of it)
  

  

  Shake it out. 

• 3/11: 20 miles, 8:32/mile. About that race...I didn't go. I guess you could say it was an act of protest (that no one but myself cared about. LOL). I was leery of this race when I registered. I definitely second guessed myself when I hit "submit." Many of my friends and myself have had bad experiences with this specific race company in the past. I decided to give them another chance when I saw that a half marathon would be only $13.10 and the race was certified with "professional timing." In the past, this company's races were not certified and their courses tend to be drastically short (one of my big pet peeves). Sparing the details, I later found out they had only applied for certification and "professional timing" did not mean chip timed. ALL THE EYE ROLLS. Despite these annoyances to add to my hatred of this company, I was going to follow through with this "race" as part of my training for Carmel. Upon waking up at 5 a.m. a.k.a. 4 a.m. with time change, I had a message from a friend about a post regarding the race. The free tacos and drinks that were supposed to be provided post race were no longer part of the deal (well, they partially were, but, again, sparing the details). I could care less about post race stuff, but I was livid about this! It just added fuel to the fire I had towards this crap-tastic company. I ended up deciding not to waste my time or gas money to drive 30 minutes for a glorified training run. Instead, I opted to wait until my kids woke up to help the hubs out, and set off for my run when they left for church. I was hopeful that the run would set my mind and attitude straight.
  

  

  
  

    Now, about that. LOL. I set off around 10:30 (an hour later than intended because my watch wasn't charged! Maybe this race thing wasn't meant to be anyway.). The goal was to run 6 warm up miles, 10-13 miles at MP, and the rest a cool down. I felt amazing during my warm up. No left over soreness from yoga, legs were fresh...I had a positive attitude about my run. For whatever reason, as I approached the end of my warm up, something wasn't feeling right. I felt this pressure. It's like my body was moving, but my mind wasn't keeping up. I started breathing heavy all of a sudden. I was thinking about the fact that I was about to start running a lot of miles at my goal race pace. For some reason, that must have freaked me out. I realized I was having an anxiety attack. I've never had one while running. It was an awful feeling. After my first race pace mile, I literally had to stop and remind myself to breath. At this point, a lot of negative thoughts were swirling through my brain..."there is no way you can run a marathon at your goal pace," "No matter what your training says, you won't be able to hit your goal," "You're just not ready for this." OMG. I couldn't control it. I stopped and texted Amanda to tell her I was freaking out. She did her best to calm me down and pep me up enough to keep me going. Per Amanda's suggestion, I decided to refrain from looking at my watch and just run. If I didn't hit my paces, it would have to be ok. It worked for a short time, but I started getting super anxious again. That was basically my cycle the entire run. It was awful. I couldn't rid my mind of the negative self talk. On a more positive note, it was gorgeous outside. I enjoyed the sun and looking at all of the big homes I will never live in. Despite my mind being a hot mess, I need to make myself proud of this run in some form or fashion. I had to stop and pep myself up so many times it's not funny. UGH. I need this to go away.
  

  

  
  

  

  I goofed up in mile 14. I was lost in New Albany and had to stop to look up my route on my phone.  I forgot to stop my watch. UGH. This took 2 minutes which is why I took 6 sec/mile off of my total average.

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So, where does this leave me with regards to meeting my goal? Hmm...basically, I have zero confidence in my ability. I'm not sure why, I'm just not feeling like I'm there. It's the negative thoughts in my brain taking over. I need to get over it, and I'm hoping I will in the next three weeks. Yes, THREE WEEKS UNTIL MY MARATHON!!!