I'm about to be vulnerable. I feel like it's the only way I'll get prayer and help in a way that I need. Here is an exact quote from my journal last night (oh boy, I can't believe I'm putting this out there):
"I hate the person I am right now. I complain, I'm impatient, I'm so tired. When people think of me, they think "bitchy" or "pissed off." I can't remember the last time I've felt relaxed. I feel like I'm constantly on the go, NEVER STOPPING. I suck at this. I can't work, be a wife, and be a mom...I feel like I'm failing in all areas. I can't do this..."
Yeah. So that's me right now. I know life isn't perfect, but I want a better attitude and I want to be a better wife and mom.
Here's a secret that most new mom's don't know about: Nobody can live up to their own expectations. You can't expect perfect nirvana when you're struggling to be perfect in every area of your life.
ReplyDeleteYou can't have a spotless kitchen because you have to hurry up & get everybody out the door to begin their day. But you do have 20 when you get home to do them. It's not like you have a stream of people walking through your house everyday, looking at all those dishes.
So what if you aren't able to run 10 million miles this summer. You just need to pick what's most important right now, and work on that first. What is it? Your marriage? What can you do to remedy that right now? Stay at home more, do more things with him? Do more things together as a family?
Your life isn't any different than anyone else s. We all have to pick what works best right now, and let the other stuff just slip away for the moment. You can always get back to that later, but some things will never be the same again. Like Jame and his cute toothless grin.
Make a list of what's so important to you that it's causing you stress and doubt. Tape it to the fridge. In a month you're going to laugh at it.
You're not Wonder Woman so quit trying to act like you are, and settle into what you have and can do right now. Not what you don't or can't.
Sorry you're in this right now....I don't have the perfect words but its hard to feel like its all sinking around you and you're watching it. I believe in you and believe in letting things go!
ReplyDelete{PS: Not bitchy!!!!}