Baby James: 11 weeks...Kompletely Kaotic

Ok...so I know "completely" and "chaotic" starts with "c" but I really needed "k" words this week and didn't feel creative enough to figure out a clever title. :) Anyway...

Now this is a man picture...pants on, undies hanging out, no shirt...just chillin'.

My week was nothing less than chaotic and challenging. I cried many tears for many different reasons. I had thoughts like "Am I fit to be a mother?," "Can I really do this?," etc. If this week was a pass/fail grade, I'm pretty sure I would have failed. Why, you ask? I returned to work this week :( The most lame thing I've ever had to do (But I got to share the experience via Facebook with my old high school running friend, Sarah...she had her precious boy, Theron, just a couple weeks after me and she returned to work on Monday as well). I forget how nice it is to go through something with someone else...you can complain together :)

Of course, I cried all Sunday evening into Monday morning...actually, I cried all day Monday. I was a strong momma Tuesday morning until I got into my car after dropping him off. The tears just fell without my permission! Even though I think our sitter is so great, it's hard for a momma to leave her baby for the first time.

James' 1st day at Jane's

After Tuesday, I felt ok about leaving him (FINALLY) but the tears continued to flow for other reasons. I was so blind to what life would be like when I went back to work. I thought I would do my thing at work all day long, come home, and spend my entire evening with my precious little man...not so much. I forgot there would be dinner to make, bottles to clean, pumped milk to store, bottles to prep for the next day, lunch to prep, gym/work clothes to set out...and you can't forget that relaxing shower that translates into your only "me time" for the evening. I felt like I had so much to do that I didn't get the time I wanted with my boy. (P.S. Jimmy has been a huge help during this transition...I'm just really controlling with how my house runs and how it's cleaned that it's hard for me to delegate tasks to him!).

All the crap I have to prep to bring everyday:

Breast pump and accessories, my work computer and equipment bag, gym bag and shoes, purse...

My lunch and James' bottles...

Car seat, diaper bag, box of James' goodies (which I got to leave at Jane's!).

Another challenging part of the week has been James' feeding. He eats well at Jane's during the day; I'll feed him when we get home, just after dinner, then just before he goes to bed. The feeding he has before bed is crazy! He is on the boobies for 1-1 1/2 hrs! I know he's not eating the entire time and that he's pacifying because he hasn't been with me all day. I just can't tell when I should make him stop. It is so exhausting when your babe wants to be on you for that long. I decided last night that I was going to try to break this habit and took steps to figuring out when to stop him. Hopefully I can make it stop in the next week.

On a positive note, James has been on a great schedule this week (with one hiccup on Thursday night when we had Bible study and he didn't go to bed at his normal bed time). He goes to bed between 845 and 945, wakes up 4-5 hours later, then 2-3 more hours later, then I wake him at 630 to get him ready for Jane's.

Good morning, mom! My boy loves the morning time...that's when he's at his best :)

I think James is adjusting well to being with Jane during the day. He had trouble taking the bottle day 1 and seemed a little uncomfortable but Jane said he was much better the next day! Jane did get to experience a James spit up session...lol. Sometimes James gets so excited about eating that he eats too fast then has a major spit up....happened to me last night AFTER I took my shower! lol. Silly booger.

In conclusion (I feel like I'm writing a formal paper or something), I am totally convinced that being a mother is the hardest job in the world and adding "working mom" to that puts a whole new twist on things! I thought I was getting the hang of it until I started work this week!

I'll leave you all with a couple pics that are the highlight of my week. I finished early on Thursday and Friday so I took my boy to Panera to hang out while I had me some decaf coffee (we carpool with daddy so we had to stick around Dublin until he got off work):

He was sleeping on Thursday but managed to flash me a "thumbs up."

My fun boy :)